


we'll face the worst

by aarobron



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Minor Character Death, Sad Robert Sugden, Supportive Aaron Dingle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 12:02:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11668731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aarobron/pseuds/aarobron
Summary: after rebecca loses the baby, aaron and robert find their way back to each other..She pulls him into a hug, small hands fisting into the back of his shirt. “I’m so sorry about what happened, Rob,” She says, voice small as she holds him closer. “You would’ve been an amazing dad.”Robert freezes, hands clumsily patting her back, but he’s staring into space over Aaron’s shoulder, not looking, not seeing. He looks about two minutes away from breaking down, so Aaron nudges Liv’s leg with his foot and she clears her throat, pulls back.“I’ll see you later,” She calls, although her voice is quiet and thick, and then she scarpers out of the front door to avoid the fallout.





	we'll face the worst

**Author's Note:**

> warnings for minor character death - although nothing graphic.
> 
> major angst ahead!
> 
> this is set over the space of a few months.
> 
> title from [take on the world - you me at six](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQersKykXok)
> 
> happy reading x

It’s Chrissie who breaks the news. 

In the pub, no less, because even when she’s shattering hearts she’s still got to go one better. She sits opposite Robert at a corner table, eyes wide and a grimace etched onto her face, and she tells him quietly.

Aaron watches, keeps an eye on them because it’ll never end well no matter what the situation, and he doesn’t know what’s going on but he does know the telltale hitch of Robert’s chest. He knows the way his face drops, devastation written in his eyes. 

And then he understands. 

He watches Robert shoulder past Vic on his way out, the line of his spine drawn tight. He watches Victoria tremble her way up to the bar, cheeks wet and mascara in spider legs down her face. She pauses next to him, fingers tapping erratically on the dark wood, and then she glances up at him.

“Rebecca lost the baby.” That’s all she says, and then she’s sobbing again, face hidden in her hands. Aaron wraps an arm around her shoulders, draws her close - because he knows nothing if he doesn’t know grief. 

He hums thoughtfully, lips pressed to her hairline as her sobs dry up again. “Is anyone with Robert?” He asks, thinking of his ex-husband in Brook Cottage, being comforted by Diane. He thinks of Robert having someone, _anyone_ , who cares.

Vic makes an affronted noise and pulls out of Aaron’s grip. “Why would anybody be with Robert?” She hisses, the words slipping through her gritted teeth. She looks furious. Aaron doesn’t understand. “This is all _his_ fault!” And then she grabs her handbag and storms out of the pub, doors slamming behind her. 

Aaron stares at her go helplessly. Every cell in his body is telling him to find Robert, to comfort him, to tell him it’s okay. But his mind is telling him that it’s none of his business.

He ends up staring into his pint, instead.

“What was that about?” Chas asks, busying herself with drying glasses. She looks between curious and bored, like if it involves Robert she doesn’t want to know. Aaron figures that she doesn’t need to know.

He thinks about it, for a second, two. Drains the last of his beer and stands up. “I’ve got to go.”  
  
.  
  
Robert, always predictable, ends up exactly where Aaron thought he would be. He approaches the bridge slowly, hands shoved into the pockets of his hoodie. “See you’ve not changed much then,” He says carefully, testing the words out. 

Robert doesn’t even look up. “Why are you here?” He asks, but it’s barely a question. His voice is flat, emotionless. He stares into the stream below and Aaron doesn’t want to know what he’s thinking. 

“I heard,” He murmurs, coming to a stop next to Robert. They’re not touching – he daren’t get any closer. “What happened with-“ He can’t bring himself to say the next words, so he studies the side of Robert’s face, the glint of his eyes. He can’t work anything out, though. 

Robert laughs humourlessly, fingers tightening around the wooden posts. He looks half a second away from flinging himself over it. “You don’t even care,” He deadpans, finally turning to face Aaron. “You don’t _care_ about that baby- about _my_ baby!” He spits. His whole body is flashing dangerously and something in Aaron’s mind is telling him to go, run, get out, but he keeps his feet firmly planted. 

“I care,” He says softly, angling his head so he meets Robert’s eyes. “I do care, Robert. I know I couldn’t handle it, and despite everything I said, I never meant any of it. I never wanted you to hurt.” Everything he says is the truth – even though it doesn’t sound like it. The break up had given him enough time to get his head around it all, to give a name to everything he’d felt. 

It just doesn’t seem like enough now.

“You said-“ Robert starts, and then stops on a choke of tears. “You _left_ me but you don’t want to hurt me? How can you say that?” He sounds desperate, exhausted, and Aaron takes half a step closer.

“We both needed it, Robert, you know that as well as I do,” He’s arguing half-heartedly. He feels empty. He’s never seen Robert like this. He curls his fingers around the older man’s elbow, feels the shiver run through both of them.

Robert tries to pull back, out of Aaron’s grip, but he holds tighter. “Please don’t touch me,” He begs, façade cracking. It’s all over his face. 

“This isn’t your fault,” Aaron says firmly, as firm as his grip. There’s no room for denial. “This is _not_ your fault.” And then he waits half a beat, pulls Robert into his arms. 

Robert’s shivering but his fingers knot into Aaron’s hoodie, forehead pressed to his shoulder. “I killed my baby,” He mumbles, voice thick. “There’s no one else to blame.” 

“Robert,” Aaron says forcefully, fingerprints pressing into Robert’s shoulder blades. It’s been a while since they’ve held each other like this. Too long, Aaron thinks. “You didn’t do anything. You’re not to blame.” 

He pulls back, holds Robert’s face gently. His eyes are swimming with tears and his cheeks are bright red. He looks like a child, and Aaron swears he feels his heart break. “Thank you,” He whispers, glancing to the side. “You don’t have to do this.” 

Aaron sighs. “No, but I want to. I want to be here for you.” And then he presses a soft kiss to Robert’s forehead and guides him up the road. Takes him to his family.  
  
.  
  
Aaron fumbles for his phone for a second, awkwardness making his fingers feel huge. 

**coffee?**

It’s one text, and he’s not even sure if he’s going to get a reply, but his heart is buzzing around in his chest and he shifts. He can feel Liv’s eyes on him from across the dining table, but he ignores her.

_That would be nice_   
_Thank you_

He breathes out an embarrassing sigh of relief and begins to lace up his shoes. “Going somewhere?” His sister asks, voice knowing. She doesn’t sound disapproving, though. She probably knows by now. Everyone does.

“For coffee,” He confirms, daring to glance up at her. “With Robert.” His phone buzzes again, and he picks it up.

_I’ll be at the café in five minutes_

He smiles at the text, knows Robert is probably desperate to get out of the pity filled house. “That’s good. Robert needs a friend right now,” Liv says thoughtfully, chewing on a piece of toast. 

“But only a friend,” Aaron says firmly, giving her a look as he shrugs his hoodie on. She holds her hands up in a _what-me_ gesture, and waves as he calls his goodbye and steps out of the front door. 

Liv was right. Robert does need a friend. 

He takes his time walking up to the café, head down and radiating vibes that tell everyone to back off, and he thinks about what to say. He thinks about how this could go. He thinks about how this should go.

In the end, he settles on just being there for Robert. 

“Hi,” He hears that familiar voice call, still lacking warmth but slightly more human than yesterday. “I- I didn’t know whether you’d come.” Robert sounds slightly embarrassed, and when Aaron glances up, his cheeks are tinged red. 

“I invited you, didn’t I?” Aaron teases warmly. He can’t stop his lips from quirking into a small smile. 

Robert laughs breathlessly, not much of a laugh at all, but the tension in his shoulders drops. “I was pretty nasty to you yesterday,” He admits, knocking their fingers together as they walk. 

Aaron hums in acknowledgement. He doesn’t want to tell Robert that he’s allowed given the circumstances – it’ll send him running. “It was all the truth, though,” He says eventually. “I’m sorry for how I made you feel.” It’s the first time he’s apologised, and he doesn’t even know the half of it. He doesn’t know how bad it got for Robert.

If he felt anything like Aaron did, well- It must’ve been awful.

They step into the café, feel the atmosphere change as well as the low rumble of noise quieten. Bob’s face shifts into something resembling pity, and Aaron turns towards Robert. “Why don’t you get us a seat, yeah?” He says softly, guiding Robert towards the table furthest from the counter. “I’ll get our coffees.” 

Robert nods, having noticed the change of atmosphere too, and he sits down, stares at his fingernails. 

“Bob,” Aaron greets, nodding his head. “Can I have, uh, two Americanos please?” He throws a smile onto the end for good measure, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket. Robert hates that. Always badgered him about it, about how easy it could be stolen.

He risks a glance back over his shoulder, but Robert’s still staring at his hands. 

“Five sixty, please,” Bob says, but his voice isn’t as chirpy as it normally is. He looks slightly morose too. “How’s he holding up?” 

Aaron braces himself. He knew this was coming. It is why he told Robert to sit down, after all. “He’s doing okay, thank you,” He says, words careful and slow. He hopes his tone tells Bob to back off. 

“Well, tell him from me and Brenda that if he needs _anything_ , we’re willing to help!” The older man hands the coffees over with an expectant smile. 

Aaron flounders for a second. “I think he just wants to be left alone, honestly,” He says with an apologetic glance, and Bob nods in agreement as he hands over Aaron’s change. 

“Of course. Here, why don’t you give him a cookie? On the house. Sugar always helps!” And then he’s turned to the next customer, conversation clearly over. Aaron huffs, balances the coffees and the cookie, and heads to where Robert’s sitting. 

Robert stands up, takes one of the mugs and eyes the cookie. “What’s that?” He asks. It’s his favourite kind, the one with smarties in. Aaron’s seen him eat a whole pack in one go.

“For you, from Bob,” Aaron says, sitting on the chair. “On the house.” He smiles, takes a sip of his scalding coffee just to do something with his hands, but Robert’s face drops.

“He knows, then,” The older man sighs, sounding dejected.

Aaron reaches across the table, leaves his hand palm up. It’s an invitation and a question. Robert answers by tangling their fingers together. “Everyone does, Rob,” He admits, squeezing Robert’s hand. “You knew they would.”

“Yeah,” Robert stares down at his coffee, at their joined hands. “Doesn’t mean I want them to.” He glances up with wide, wet eyes, and shakes his head minutely. 

Aaron concedes, talks about anything and everything else, the way Robert used to when they were together. 

It’s an avoidance tactic, but Aaron’ll let him have this. And it works.  
  
.  
  
When Aaron opens the door, Robert is stood there with wide eyes and the sense that he doesn’t belong at The Mill anymore. Aaron can’t disagree more. He slots in perfectly like he always did, except with more hesitance and tentativeness, but Aaron ushers him in, refuses to take his coat. “You know where it goes,” He dismisses, rushing back into the kitchen.

He’s cooking – trying to, at least, but the pasta’s sticking together and the garlic bread smells suspiciously burnt, so he stands there, helplessly, staring at the cooker. Robert toes his shoes off – clearly not breaking the habit of a lifetime – and follows Aaron, surveys the damage himself. 

“Did you salt the pasta?” He asks, peering into the pot with his nose crinkled up. He pokes at it with the wooden spoon.

Aaron stares at him, watches him fit right back in to the place he’s always belonged. “You’re meant to do that?” 

Robert turns with a roll of his eyes and reaches for the salt, sprinkling some into the water. “Of course you are,” He sighs, stirs the pot once more and then heads over to the oven, mitts already sitting on his hands. “Why don’t you stir the sauce? I’ll handle the rest.” And then he’s pulling the oven door open, wafting the hot air away with a tea towel.

“I _can_ cook you know,” Aaron interjects, one arm folded across his stomach as he stirs the sauce. Huh. It looks a bit lumpy. 

“Clearly not,” Robert calls, setting the garlic bread on the counter. It’s the wrong side of brown, and Aaron struggles not to feel dejected. “What do you and Liv even eat these days?” 

Breath sticks in Aaron’s throat at the too close reminder of why Robert’s here just for dinner and not all the time, and Robert seems to realise too late, too, and they both freeze. He thinks of all the things he could say, all the things he _should_ say, but he’s saved by footsteps thundering down the stairs. 

It’s Liv, obviously, with her inability to do anything gracefully, and she skids into the kitchen with wide eyes and wild hair. “Oh, Rob’s cooking?” She asks, frowning at the pair of them. “I thought you were meant to be, Aaron.”

Robert snorts, moves to drain the pasta. “He was meant to be,” He explains cheekily. “But we all know how it ends.” 

Liv nods, shuffling over to the dining table to shove some pencils into her backpack. “Well, I’m off to Gabby’s,” She says, glancing over at the pair of them as she puts her boots on. “I’ll see you in the morning.” 

“Do you need money?” Aaron asks, already pulling out his wallet and grimacing at the contents. He hands over a twenty and a ten, watches Liv smirk and pocket them, but then she turns to Robert.

_Ohgodno._

She pulls him into a hug, small hands fisting into the back of his shirt. “I’m so sorry about what happened, Rob,” She says, voice small as she holds him closer. “You would’ve been an amazing dad.” 

Robert freezes, hands clumsily patting her back, but he’s staring into space over Aaron’s shoulder, not looking, not seeing. He looks about two minutes away from breaking down, so Aaron nudges Liv’s leg with his foot and she clears her throat, pulls back.

“I’ll see you later,” She calls, although her voice is quiet and thick, and then she scarpers out of the front door to avoid the fallout. 

Aaron shuffles towards Robert, catches his fingers with his own and pulls him back to reality. “I’m sorry she said all that,” He whispers, linking their hands. “If I knew-“

“Hey,” Robert says softly, thumb stroking Aaron’s wrist. He looks sad in a wistful sort of way, but it’s not as bad as he has been. Aaron’s grateful. “It’s alright. She was actually _nice_ to me for once. And… I needed to hear it. But can we just forget about it? Have dinner and pretend everything’s okay?” 

Aaron smiles, releases Robert’s hand. “Of course we can.”  
  
.  
  
 _Meet me at cricket pavilion. Bring wine_

The minute the text comes through, Aaron shoves his feet into his trainers and grabs his hoodie. He doesn’t have to worry about Liv – she’s staying at the pub with Chas – so he half jogs down there, clutching a bottle of pinot noir, left from when Robert moved out. Aaron didn’t have the heart to throw it away. 

When he gets there, he can see Robert sitting against the wall of the pavilion, legs stretched out in front of him. He’s smiling numbly, seemingly unbothered by the cold even though Aaron’s shivering, and he pats the space next to him.

“You’re here quick,” He comments as Aaron copies his pose. The toes of their boots knock together. “Didn’t think you’d be so quick.” He seems dazed and his eyes are cloudy. 

Aaron checks him over once, but he seems fine – no injuries on the outside, anyway. His mind is a totally different matter. “I told you I’d be here for you,” He says instead of an answer, and unscrews the bottle of wine. 

He takes a sip and passes it to Robert as he turns his nose up. “You never liked this one,” Robert comments, taking a swig. His eyes fall shut. “Why did you bring it?” He says it casually but he knows, he _must_ do.

Aaron tells him anyway.

“It’s your favourite,” Aaron murmurs, lining the edges of the palms up. Robert’s on the edge right now and he needs everything to be on his terms. Aaron knows that all too well. 

Robert opens his eyes and rolls his head towards Aaron, staring at him sincerely. “I spoke to Rebecca today,” He sighs, taking another long swig of wine. “She told me everything that happened.” He drinks again, and when he pulls the bottle away there’s a faint smudge of red wine. Aaron has to resist reaching out.

He thinks about Robert’s words for a minute. “I’m listening if you want to tell me,” He settles on eventually, and doesn’t jump when Robert tangles their fingers. He just presses the lines of their arms together.

“The baby was premature,” Robert says, the words falling out of his mouth clumsily. “It wasn’t looking good from the start. But- but her lungs weren’t strong enough, and then she got a pulmonary infection. And she was dead within a few hours.” 

Robert’s breath hitches on a sob and Aaron can feel his own eyes burning with tears, but he pulls himself together and presses closer to Robert. “It’s not your fault, Robert.”

“I just – I wish I could’ve done something, _anything_ ,” He cries, head dropping forwards. “And I was a dad but now I’m not. What if that was my only chance? What if I don’t find anyone who wants me unconditionally? I just ruin every good thing I’ve got going.” His sobs are pained and broken, reflecting Robert himself, and Aaron draws him closer, lets the older man lean on him. 

“You’ve got time,” He sighs into Robert’s hair. “Robert, you’ve got all the time in the world. You’ve got so much ahead of you and you don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. You need to be strong.” 

Robert cries himself out until all that’s left is the occasional choke of breath and red cheeks. “Rebecca’s leaving,” He mumbles, face pressed into the soft cotton of Aaron’s hoodie. “I think it’s for the best.” 

Aaron nods, not really feeling anything. “Me too.” And then he presses his lips to the crown of Robert’s head and absorbs everything his ex husband’s just told him.  
  
.  
  
Robert steps into the pub, looking lighter than he has in weeks. His confessions to Aaron have done him the world of good – even though Aaron tosses and turns at night, thinking of Robert hating himself and shouldering the blame. It makes him feel sick.

The older man pulls out the chair opposite Aaron, pint already in hand. “Hey,” He greets, eyes burning blue in a way they haven’t for while. “How was your day?” 

It’s such a boring question that it startles Aaron, the normalcy and the intimacy of it. “Adam’s doing my head in,” He huffs, playing along and detailing an anecdote of Adam fucking the books up. He tells it in a dry tone, listening to Robert’s injected comments, watching the way his face lights up even more every minute.

“Well, you should know better than to let Adam at the accounts,” He teases, tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth. “He’s a one man disaster.” 

Aaron just grins back. “You know he says the same about you, right?” 

It punches a laugh out of Robert, throaty and happy and _genuine_. Aaron feels the breath escape his lungs, his mind flash back to before, all those months ago, before any of this, before all of it.

It’s the first time Robert’s laughed for too long. 

“What?” Robert asks, hand coming up to the corner of his mouth. “Have I got something on my face?” He looks confused but his eyes are still sparkling, and _god_ , Aaron loves him.

“Will you go on a date with me?” He blurts out before he can stop himself, and then Robert stops. He stops moving, he stops breathing. He’s just still. 

Until he’s not. Until he’s pushing his chair back with a sickening sound, pint pushed away from him, and then he’s out the door before Aaron has a chance to even think about moving. He just disappears. 

“Fuck!” Aaron cries, also standing up. He shoulders his way through the pub but he doesn’t get past the door.

Chas is there, drawing her body up until she completely blocks him. “Want to tell me what that was about?” She inquires, voice hard and eyes harder. 

“Not now, mum!” He hisses desperately, slipping around her and out of the door. Robert’s walking quickly – not running, but almost jogging – but he didn’t get far. Aaron catches the sleeve of his leather jacket and pulls him along the side of the pub until they’re out of view.

“I can’t believe you did that,” Robert spits out. His face looks venomous. It makes Aaron shrink. “Asking me on a date out of _pity_.” He looks disgusted, and Aaron rolls his eyes, pushing him against the wall as a crowd of people filter past. 

He tenses his shoulders until he’s almost at Robert’s height. “If you think this is pity, you don’t know me as well as I thought you did.” 

Robert deflates, gazes at the floor. “What else is it, then?” He asks quietly, like he doesn’t want to know the answer. Aaron can feel his own eyes soften, and he smoothes his hands down Robert’s biceps.

“Spending time with you these last few months,” He starts, then licks his lips. He’s no good at this sort of thing. “I feel like I’m getting to know you all over again. I feel like I’m falling in love with you all over again.” 

Robert laughs humourlessly and finally makes eye contact. His eyes look so sad that Aaron has to drop his gaze. “I didn’t realise you’d stopped.” 

Aaron holds his breath, pushes back the urge to give Robert a good shake. “Of course I didn’t,” He sighs. “But I feel like I know you in a completely different way, now. And I want to give this – us – another go, if you want to.” He drops his hands, waits for the inevitable rejection.

But there’s only silence. 

He’s barely looked up before Robert’s hands are on his face, fingertips pressing into the sharp curve of his jaw. “Of course I want to,” is all Robert whispers, and then he’s kissing Aaron fiercely, like it’s the only thing he knows how to do. 

Aaron kisses back just as hard, lets Robert lick into his mouth and tastes the sparks, and then watches the older man’s face as the kiss breaks. “So is that a yes to the date?” He teases, letting his fingers tangle with Robert’s.

Robert laughs again, loud and warm, and it blooms in Aaron’s chest, the happiness of it all. “It’s a yes,” He promises, and leans back in again. 

The kiss is everything Aaron’s ever wanted and more, and it punches the breath out of his lungs as Robert smiles into it.

He can’t wait for the future.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @ [aarobron](aarobron.tumblr.com) x


End file.
